I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
