We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
