I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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