I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
