please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
