Apparently you make a good broom.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
