shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
