i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
