i wish my penis had a tongue
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
