just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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