how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My life is pants optional.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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