i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize