just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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