why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
