If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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