So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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