she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
