direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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