if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
