meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
