A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i would punch a child for taco bell
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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