this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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