Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
