i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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