i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
