If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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