you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
