we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
