sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
