I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
