Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
