he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
