Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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