god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize