Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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