Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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