All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
