i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
