who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize