he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
