we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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