what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
