Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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