I want to stick my p in your. b.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
