Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How's work?
Spinning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
