he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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