i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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