What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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