It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
