Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
