Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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