haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
