Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize