so explain again why im purple
no
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
