so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
only if we run a train.
done.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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