Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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