can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
