this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
