waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
