Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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