Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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