do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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