Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
