so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
