??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
